Post by Nicci on Jan 15, 2012 15:57:39 GMT
This was my writing exercise for Jazzie, she's been teaching me some simple ways to improve my creative writing. I think this goes out to you Tom, Kyle has always been one of my favourite ITM characters and I hope this fills in some blanks.
Setting: Early week 2, a rather unexpected thunderstorm. Callie's POV struggling to come to terms with the suspicion that Kyle has left the school to return to Ireland.
Rain. It rained then, and it was raining now. Pouring in fact, hammering down in heavy droplets that intercepted the leaves hanging over my head in a delicate yet forceful wall of water. As the chill of the saturated air erected the fine hairs on the backs of my bare arms, I needn’t open my eyes to feel the weather around me. My senses felt alive, consumed by the rawness of nature: the bellowing of the thunder’s mighty rumble, the scent of freshness wiping the surrounding area clean. I think I could almost taste the electricity that threatened to strike the sky, but that didn’t stop the rain.
A silent gravitational drip must have fallen through the branches above as I collapsed my head against the rough exterior of the tree’s trunk. Its carefree flow snaking its way down my cheek like a tear, a tear that I refused to shed even though I was dying inside. I have these suspicions you’ve left Kyle and I think they are true.
I couldn’t help let a sigh squeeze past my dry lips, it was only natural and I know I’m tired. More correctly I’m exhausted. Worn down and eroded by living a life behind a façade, one that everyday I hate even more.
There is something about this place. Not under my tree but the entire school, it’s majestic presence like ball and chain anchoring you down until you’ve reached your potential. What if I don’t have that? What happens if someone has already decided my future for me? Whether out of love or because they think I could be a hazard to society.
I know I’m dangerous. I’ve been nothing but a problem ever since I arrived on another wet, gloomy day. You only have to ask the people who know me and they’ll give you the same answer. I lash out, I’m unstable, I ruin people lives. At least that’s how I see it; all I ever wanted was to fit in.
You’ve seen my inner pain Kyle I know you have. You called me names just like everyone else but then suddenly stopped, I think it’s then you then realised how it felt. It’s just a shame I pushed you away; you didn’t deserve it. Dark clothes, thick make-up, leather boots that never once made it into fashion. This was my way to keep you out, to keep everyone out. I didn’t want to be exposed, publically shamed, humiliated; I was scared and just wanted to be normal.
If I’m honest, I think that’s what everything with Olli was. A cover up of my inner problems, a chance to be a normal girl, but… I’m not a normal girl am I. I’m not like Erin with her intelligent ways, her twinkling eyes, her outgoing cheerful attitude. That’s why things happened. Him and I was the biggest mistake I ever could have made, I ignored sense and seized a stupid chance.
I honestly tried to make things work Kyle, I really did, but between Olli and I there wasn’t a lot to salvage. We weren’t the closest of couples, rarely held hands, didn’t talk much but I cared about him. Maybe he did about me too until he saw in my eyes that I longed for someone else, someone like you Kyle.
I couldn’t believe it was Erin of all people whom I saw him with. It made sense but I didn’t have time to think, I just reacted, I was hurt, and the relationship shouldn’t have ended that way. I was going to be honest with Olli, if I had known there was so much more to their friendship then what met the eye I would have stepped away. Saved myself the drama, the anger and the unnecessary destruction that followed in the wake. That poor girl, I am just an insensitive animal.
You must have seen first hand what I had done to him Kyle, secondly to her. You are such a close friend to them both, and I, I am just a monster. I was a monster before and have made myself even more hideous example because of it.
Everyday I blame her, I shouldn’t, but I can’t help it. My envy and jealousy is a seething body of loathing that rampages my mind like my curse. I hate it, I want to be free of it, and I’d do anything to be like her.
Biting my bottom lip, I understand that have to make amends some day for those past mistakes. I can’t pretend to hate someone forever. That isn’t fair. She has a good life even after I ruined it; she has you Kyle. Wherever you are, you wont abandon her but I think you’ve abandoned me. Maybe that’s what I deserve.
I need to tell you something Kyle, it’s hard enough living with one rather large problem but when you suddenly develop a possible second, life becomes that much more difficult to handle. Recently things have become quite bad. I find myself doing the strangest things: I look for you everywhere, I talk to the picture of you on my Rubber plant far more then I used to and I have this box of things you’ve touched that I can’t bring myself to throw away. It’s not a phase either; everyday I think the same whether I believe you are in a relationship with Tasha, Erin or someone else I’ve made up entirely. Maybe it would have been possible to tell you about these things if I was anybody but myself.
Opening my eyes as the sound of the thunder and lightning diminished in the clouds above, I couldn’t help but imagine your face: your gentle eyes, maturing complexion, I can even picture your smile. This warm, happy feeling is it Kyle. Everything. Everything I wish I could have shared with you, but I know I can't.
I’m missing you, missing you with every passing minute and that emptiness is pushing me away from everyone again. I hope you will return and find me here, I can’t say you’ll save me from my internal nightmare but if I could just feel your optimism things might turn out better. I don’t want to give up on you Kyle, I’ve given up hope on so many things but you aren’t going to be one of them. I swear.
I know what I have to do now I need to change my outlook on life. Be tough, persistent. If I want to be like you Kyle or like Erin, I have to change. It’s not going to be easy, but I don’t want to be taken away knowing I lost everything including you.
I’ll call you my ray of sunshine Kyle, for I am the cowardly moon. Rarely seen together you and I; but both caught in an endless enrapturing circle. Always and forever will I be the one chasing daylight.
Setting: Early week 2, a rather unexpected thunderstorm. Callie's POV struggling to come to terms with the suspicion that Kyle has left the school to return to Ireland.
Rain. It rained then, and it was raining now. Pouring in fact, hammering down in heavy droplets that intercepted the leaves hanging over my head in a delicate yet forceful wall of water. As the chill of the saturated air erected the fine hairs on the backs of my bare arms, I needn’t open my eyes to feel the weather around me. My senses felt alive, consumed by the rawness of nature: the bellowing of the thunder’s mighty rumble, the scent of freshness wiping the surrounding area clean. I think I could almost taste the electricity that threatened to strike the sky, but that didn’t stop the rain.
A silent gravitational drip must have fallen through the branches above as I collapsed my head against the rough exterior of the tree’s trunk. Its carefree flow snaking its way down my cheek like a tear, a tear that I refused to shed even though I was dying inside. I have these suspicions you’ve left Kyle and I think they are true.
I couldn’t help let a sigh squeeze past my dry lips, it was only natural and I know I’m tired. More correctly I’m exhausted. Worn down and eroded by living a life behind a façade, one that everyday I hate even more.
There is something about this place. Not under my tree but the entire school, it’s majestic presence like ball and chain anchoring you down until you’ve reached your potential. What if I don’t have that? What happens if someone has already decided my future for me? Whether out of love or because they think I could be a hazard to society.
I know I’m dangerous. I’ve been nothing but a problem ever since I arrived on another wet, gloomy day. You only have to ask the people who know me and they’ll give you the same answer. I lash out, I’m unstable, I ruin people lives. At least that’s how I see it; all I ever wanted was to fit in.
You’ve seen my inner pain Kyle I know you have. You called me names just like everyone else but then suddenly stopped, I think it’s then you then realised how it felt. It’s just a shame I pushed you away; you didn’t deserve it. Dark clothes, thick make-up, leather boots that never once made it into fashion. This was my way to keep you out, to keep everyone out. I didn’t want to be exposed, publically shamed, humiliated; I was scared and just wanted to be normal.
If I’m honest, I think that’s what everything with Olli was. A cover up of my inner problems, a chance to be a normal girl, but… I’m not a normal girl am I. I’m not like Erin with her intelligent ways, her twinkling eyes, her outgoing cheerful attitude. That’s why things happened. Him and I was the biggest mistake I ever could have made, I ignored sense and seized a stupid chance.
I honestly tried to make things work Kyle, I really did, but between Olli and I there wasn’t a lot to salvage. We weren’t the closest of couples, rarely held hands, didn’t talk much but I cared about him. Maybe he did about me too until he saw in my eyes that I longed for someone else, someone like you Kyle.
I couldn’t believe it was Erin of all people whom I saw him with. It made sense but I didn’t have time to think, I just reacted, I was hurt, and the relationship shouldn’t have ended that way. I was going to be honest with Olli, if I had known there was so much more to their friendship then what met the eye I would have stepped away. Saved myself the drama, the anger and the unnecessary destruction that followed in the wake. That poor girl, I am just an insensitive animal.
You must have seen first hand what I had done to him Kyle, secondly to her. You are such a close friend to them both, and I, I am just a monster. I was a monster before and have made myself even more hideous example because of it.
Everyday I blame her, I shouldn’t, but I can’t help it. My envy and jealousy is a seething body of loathing that rampages my mind like my curse. I hate it, I want to be free of it, and I’d do anything to be like her.
Biting my bottom lip, I understand that have to make amends some day for those past mistakes. I can’t pretend to hate someone forever. That isn’t fair. She has a good life even after I ruined it; she has you Kyle. Wherever you are, you wont abandon her but I think you’ve abandoned me. Maybe that’s what I deserve.
I need to tell you something Kyle, it’s hard enough living with one rather large problem but when you suddenly develop a possible second, life becomes that much more difficult to handle. Recently things have become quite bad. I find myself doing the strangest things: I look for you everywhere, I talk to the picture of you on my Rubber plant far more then I used to and I have this box of things you’ve touched that I can’t bring myself to throw away. It’s not a phase either; everyday I think the same whether I believe you are in a relationship with Tasha, Erin or someone else I’ve made up entirely. Maybe it would have been possible to tell you about these things if I was anybody but myself.
Opening my eyes as the sound of the thunder and lightning diminished in the clouds above, I couldn’t help but imagine your face: your gentle eyes, maturing complexion, I can even picture your smile. This warm, happy feeling is it Kyle. Everything. Everything I wish I could have shared with you, but I know I can't.
I’m missing you, missing you with every passing minute and that emptiness is pushing me away from everyone again. I hope you will return and find me here, I can’t say you’ll save me from my internal nightmare but if I could just feel your optimism things might turn out better. I don’t want to give up on you Kyle, I’ve given up hope on so many things but you aren’t going to be one of them. I swear.
I know what I have to do now I need to change my outlook on life. Be tough, persistent. If I want to be like you Kyle or like Erin, I have to change. It’s not going to be easy, but I don’t want to be taken away knowing I lost everything including you.
I’ll call you my ray of sunshine Kyle, for I am the cowardly moon. Rarely seen together you and I; but both caught in an endless enrapturing circle. Always and forever will I be the one chasing daylight.
noo.... That's mean when it does that.
